Distill

thoughts as my life slowly refines down to something new

This shift over the last few months has been an eye opener. As I move through the reality that as of now I’ve got a permanently disabling illness, I face decisions. Dozens of them, every day that snowball into this avalanche of change.

People tell you to prioritize things. You’re encouraged to put yourself first. Right up to the line where now they’re last. Or if not last, certainly not the focus. You start shifting things around, flipping priorities on stuff like daily showers (all the nope), or having a pristine kitchen at the end of the night( more nope), or wondering if the leaning tower of laundry really needs folding (can the nope get a bucket)? All these things big and small that go into what society considers acceptable or appropriate, battling with things that need to happen or there are nasty consequences.

Don’t get the lawn mowed, incur a nasty HOA fine. Mow the lawn yourself and risk being unable to move for days. Get someone to mow the lawn and watch tight dollers get even tighter.

Like an old time moonshiner, you tinker and adjust. You stretch a little here and flex a bit more there. That shiny bit gets tossed in favor of more practical duct tape. Over and over you watch the fruits of your labor drip through the system that you build and rebuild. Your efforts hit the end and slowly drip out into the cup below. You pause, take a sip and ponder.

Spit the result out, glare at your cup, mutter and go move that fiddle bit of pipe. Maybe if you ooch things over just a little, maybe, just maybe you’ll get a better result today.

Keep refining. Keep distilling.